Non-Violent Communication

Communication with others can often be a point of contention and lead to pro-long stress as well as creating triggers with other people in our life. Non-violent communication teaches us how to mend these relationships by improving how we communicate our needs to others. It is based on the notion that all humans have the capacity for compassion, and that it can be taught and improved upon with the right guidance. Additionally, this framework explains that individuals generally only resort to violence or harmful behaviors when they do not have more effective methods to fulfill and express their needs. Therefore, the goal of NVC is to offer a passive path to resolution via non-violent language and behaviors, ideally leading to peaceful resolutions. It involves four key components: observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Here are the steps to approaching conversations with NVC.

Observations:

Describe what you see or hear without judgment or evaluation. Focus on concrete, observable facts.

Example: Instead of saying "You're always late," say, "I noticed you arrived 20 minutes after the scheduled time."

Feelings:

Identify and express your emotions related to the situation. Use "I" statements to take ownership of your feelings.

Example: Instead of saying "You make me angry," say, "I feel frustrated when the meeting starts late”

meeting starts late."

Needs:

Identify the underlying needs that are connected to your feelings. Understand what is important to you in the situation.

Example: Instead of saying "I need you to be more punctual," say, "I need to be able to rely on schedules to manage my time effectively."

Requests:

Make clear, actionable requests that address your needs. Focus on what you would like the other person to do to help meet your needs, rather than demanding they do something.

Example: Instead of saying "You need to be on time," say, "Would you be willing to set an alarm to remind yourself of the meeting time?

Applying NVC

Applying non-violent communication in our daily lives takes practice and resilience. Be kind to yourself as you are learning this new way of communicating. Here are some tips for practicing NVC in everyday conversations:

Be mindful of your language by using words that are non-judgmental, clear, and specific. Avoid using words that trigger negative emotions or criticism.
Practice active listening by not interrupting when someone is speaking, coming into conversations with an open mind, and understanding their perspective.
Identify and be aware of your feelings and needs so you can communicate from a place of honesty and respect.
Practice empathy by putting yourself in the other person's shoes and try to understand their perspective. Use phrases like "I hear you" or "I understand how you feel."

You may fall back into old patterns and ways of communicating, try not to get frustrated, this is normal. Instead, revisit these steps, you might even find it helpful to practice ahead of time. Over time, this will become more automatic.

JOURNAL PROMPT

Take a moment to write out your NVC plan.

Revise this later.